my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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