so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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