i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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