Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
