don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
