it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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