Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
