Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
