If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
