Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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