i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
