Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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