she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
