Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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