Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
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