my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
