Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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