I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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