I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
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Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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