I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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