We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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