Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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