Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So many bounce houses so little time
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
