So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
