She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
