she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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