Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
