stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
