I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
