Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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