So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
