This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
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I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
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No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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