Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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