You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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