it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
