can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
nutella sex= disaster
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
