what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
