My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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