so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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