My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
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No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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