remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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