i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
