Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
