awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
home. puking in laundry basket.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
you had me at cake vodka
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
