I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
