Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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