What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
