Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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