Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I should be sponsored by Trojan
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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