Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
