Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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