I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
