Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
