I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
