Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
