May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
