im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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