My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.