It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
