Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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