True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains