I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
