NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
