giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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