I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Welp...herpes.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
